I cant believe I have been a mom for 5 months now. I carried this little being in me for 9 months and then pushed him out into this scary world. In the womb he was safe and sound. He didn't yet have to experience the harshness of this world. I hope for his sake that things will change and that this world will become a much more positive place. I hope to raise him with a happy, positive outlook on life despite the fact that he has a very pessimistic mother.
My heart melts for this little boy of mine every time he smiles at me. His laughter can pick me up when I am feeling down. I love him so much even at 2 am when he is screaming and cannot sleep. I may get upset for a moment, but then realize that he is too small to tell me what is wrong and that this too shall pass.
Being a mom has changed me already. It has made me look at myself and life a lot differently. I feel like I have grown and matured, but have still kept my childish spirit, which helps me relate so well to him.
When I look at my son I realize that I have to be positive and strong, because he is looking up to me. He is watching me and taking in everything I do. There has been times when in certain situations I would like to say something not so nice, but then I remember I am a mom to a son, who is absorbing everything I do into his inner being. I want him to grow up to enjoy life, to be positive and happy, not to be bitter and angry (like his mother). I really do need to work on changing my outlook on life. I would like to be optismistic instead of so pessimistic. I have tried to change , but there are days when it seems very hard to be positive. All I have to do to remember to be positive, is to look at my boy's innocent face. A face of wonder and knowing. He knows only positive. He knows only happiness and joy. Just looking at him helps me to remain positive for his sake.
There will come a day when things will not always be so bright and cheerful. There will be hurt and tears and anger. For now though while he is young I can make his days positive and happy ones, so maybe when he grows up he can look back on these times and remember. They will be engraved into his heart and soul forever.